Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
