Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
