Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
