Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
