I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
