I'm really into asian looking animals
i don't like sucking hair
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
