I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
