In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
