the day after is always just damage control
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
