I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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