You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
