I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
