This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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