Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
