I think I died a long time ago.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
