We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
