rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
