Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
