He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
