my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
