also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
