you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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