I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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