My nipple is on Facebook.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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