dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
