I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
