Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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