if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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