I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
