so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
