i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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