I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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