So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
