Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
