If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
