Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
