she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
