I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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