Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
