I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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