I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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