somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
