I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
