it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
