Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry about my life...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
