It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
