And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
