textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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