i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
