I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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