: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
