What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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