You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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