You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
