I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
