Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
