I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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