Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
