its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
