yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
