Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
