One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
