You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
